“We don’t really do volunteer work in Finland as such, because we get paid for charity work,” is what I heard many times when I inquired about volunteer work in Finland. And yet I really did keep hearing of people volunteering their time and expertise to a variety of causes. There were the retired folks who wanted to donate their knowledge and time to learners of the Finnish language in a wide series of settings: community centers, neighborhood libraries, religious establishments. There were also those who immediately jumped on convoys, clothes exchanges, peace marches and demos immediately at the start of the war, and many others still who opened their doors to Ukrainian refugees, not to mention clothes and necessities drives to raise care packages for the Finnish volunteer convoys making their way into Ukraine. 

But someone dedicating their hard-earned skills, study time and expertise to a company for free so they can make money while the happy volunteer looks forlornly on, not so much. I’ve never seen it happen, unless it’s a foreigner volunteering their hard earned skills, study time and expertise to an NGO in hopes of “gaining valuable exposure.” Those of us who are active in the arts or online know just how much this “gaining valuable exposure” is worth after the umpteenth time. I am perfectly happy to be donating my skills and expertise for a good cause, but it’s on my terms, as in I come in and suggest that I can do some pro bono work and we take it from there. Usually this would take no more than four hours a week (two really) because as Finns have told me, “everything else should really be paid.” I’m really not trying to beat my own drum here and big myself up, but suffice it to say, when I donate my time it was only ever clock-in-hand when there was something important after, like picking someone up from the airport, or having to be somewhere that cannot be altered in any way, shape or form. 

Why then is it acceptable for Finns to offer unpaid work to foreigners seeking jobs and demand they be happy with that arrangement? What in any constitution or lawful guideline on how to humanely run a country stipulates that having foreigners perform what no Finn would do is even remotely decent? Where in their holy documents (be they secular or religious) is this written as an idea worthy of pursuit? 

Just this past week I had two such instances again. The first one was a call following a conversation at a job fair. These days my way of dealing with my situation in Finland is to just be me, whether this is on LinkedIn or face-to-face and by me I mean no-holds-barred and an absolutely-spare-no-feelings-of any-kind type filter.  Without giving anything away, they were hoping to break into a market where I know how they could do it. I could get them the contacts, and I could talk to people, because I know how they tick, what gets them going and most of all how to make what this company offers super attractive to them. 

We connected, we video called, the person told me they loved me and my ideas and praised me as to how I was the perfect person for the job because “you can notice things I might miss as a Finn.” 

And then the kicker, “we do not have the budget to hire you, but I’d be happy to use this to network and do it on a volunteer basis.” 

Q@$#%^%$^&$&^#$@%#$%#^$^%&!!!!

Did you just seriously have the gall to suggest I help you build your company in a whole ass different country, where you would then – as you told me – “employ locals” using my expertise, my knowhow and my skills to build a franchise from scratch which will give all involved a shit ton of money without even so much as a nod at the source who helped you achieve all this? Bitch, I stopped doing that when they took me off my dream project and gave it to some twat journalist from the f****** Guardian. I’m still sore at the twat journalist and the f****** Guardian, and it’s going to be a quarter of a century ago next year. Damn right I carry grudges. Hardcore. I forgive a lot, but once it’s gone it’s gone. That string is cut and no magic or supplication in the world will fix it. 

Enter Instance No. 2 (fittingly). Again, the usual spiel. Send email to acquaintance (we are in Finland after all, if you don’t know someone you’re not getting any work, and the days when this was sometimes possible seem to lie in a long forgotten past now (a decade and counting really is a long time in some respects). State business clearly i.e. in this particular case, offer workshops explaining the difference between cross-cultural, multicultural, expat and immigrant (hint, it’s not the skin color or country, it’s everything to do with intent), sit back and wait while you send out other emails, because what else can you do.  

The reply lands in my inbox unexpectedly three weeks after I’d been promised a response “by the end of the week.” Fair enough, people have stuff going on and this is an NGO, so that applies even more so, with unexpected things coming up seemingly out of the blue. I’m asked to clarify if I want to volunteer my services or “are you planning to do the workshops as a volunteer, or would this involve a fee?” I run my – by now – tried and tested spiel on them, namely, “at this point in time I have neither the space nor resources to volunteer my time and skills, so this would be a paid position.” To no one’s surprise, least of all my own if I’m honest, the reply (which did come swiftly this time) was along the lines of thanks, but no thanks, we don’t have any vacancies. The fact that this is from a fellow foreigner is neither surprising nor encouraging, but I learned as a foreign kid in Germany that solidarity among foreigners is only as close as mutual benefits allow, and between established pecking orders of who’s on the lowest rung and who can claw their way up (or try) and wanting to fit in, it’s easy to side with the enemy and become one, more so if they promise you that your actions will indeed fasttrack your integration. Though it never really does, because a foreigner to the locals will always be a stranger and thus eternally spell danger. 

These aren’t the only two outfits wanting to make a quick buck off someone else’s hard work. I just had a semi long break recently, in which I rethought my options when it came to who else I can contact for a job more or less in my fields in Finland. So it was easy to forget that this had happened before, with pretty much every NGO and organization with a vested interest in bringing foreigners to Finland or helping them find their footing once they have taken their first steps on the hallowed grounds where old man Väinämöinen used to thrust and stomp – and if he was anything like those who came after him, also spit – to his heart’s content.

Finland really wants its foreigners – if you track the funding and work that is being put into an excellent PR campaign designed to present the country in its very best and brightest light. These PR campaigns will also implore everyone in Finland to bring more foreigners into the country “because we won’t have pensions when it comes to retirement otherwise,” completely missing the point that perhaps the way to go is by not making the very people you need into a commodity.

Recently I was told by several people that they are really grateful to me for speaking out how I do, for not sugarcoating things but pointing out what doesn’t work and trying to provide solutions. It’s not unlike telling someone whose tooth hurts to go to the dentist, but they refuse to, preferring instead to cry about it. I was also thanked by a few for helping them avoid moving to Finland, based on the information I was sharing on LinkedIn. It fills my heart with joy because to hear the Finnish PR machine tell it, Finland is the place to be, a veritable paradise, as described in the famous torch song with the same name. Reality is very different, and with new restrictions in place whereby those made redundant will only have three months to find a job lest they get deported because without a job their visas will not get renewed, I’d rather have people know what’s really going on rather than having them chase a dream they are roadblocked from fulfilling while being gaslighted. This way if they decide that they do want to come it’ll be because they were able to make an informed decision, not because they were sold a dream they were always blocked from achieving, or rather maintaining. 

When I first moved to Finland, back when things were still great and I had millions of friends because I was working on that one project everyone wanted to be a part of somehow, this song was coming at me through different sources. It was, everyone involved in disseminating the song so it would eventually ping on my radar repeatedly assured me, “the song that perfectly encapsulates our Finnish identity.” I’m not sure if attempting to even go near it takes great guts or is merely a sign of the mouse on the bar room floor syndrome from the (alleged) Irish poem floating around the interwebs. But it’s a song that is repeatedly brought up by Finns feeling deeply nostalgic and wanting to reclaim their roots, not necessarily present in one body. And knowing of its existence – as well as knowing the singer – will score instant points with any Finn, as it speaks to their inner national pride.