This sentence was said, by myself, to someone close to me when we were having a conversation. In fact, it seemed to spill out of me, like something I’d been trying to clarify but for which the words had somehow eluded me up until that moment . . . 

Because the minute I said it, I realized what it was about. Wherever I go – whether it’s a move or a quick  chat- the interaction  only feels satisfactory when we established a connection. That word people love throwing around because it’s the latest buzz word and if you’re not bringing it up every step of the way (or at least once) others will see you as somehow deficient. 

About Me

As an extrovert who grew up in two different countries outside of my “passport place” I always find that thoughts, feelings, ideas and associations I had in one city / place pop up in another. Usually as a nostalgic imprint associated with a person (I can no longer reach out because death, a fight or the simple act / feat of “forgotten by / due to distance” got in the way).

At the same time – perhaps because of the above – there is a sense of deep nostalgia towards that person or event (that tends to jump into my mind seemingly out of nowhere). Frequently I remember that there are no pictures because we never took any, either because we forgot, didn’t think of it in the moment or because – when we did remember to catch that moment in time – they were stolen from memory due to a multitude of circumstances that all had their reason in time and space. 

What does remain of those moments cherished over the years seeping up from the subconscious mind are old photos whose owners have no known emotional, genetic or soul-adjacent connection, pictures online (and – if lucky – in people’s personal albums and shoeboxes) along with the occasional painting that tells its own story on top of the one its owners have assigned to it. All of which can be photographed to be 

altered and infused with colors that evoke the emotions, hopes, dreams and desires mirroring my associations with them. 

Much as I loved looking at drawings and paintings for the stories they told or were meant (not) to tell, I was never able to come even remotely close to anything that would resemble a drawing or painting in even the slightest capacity. Over time the mere act of picking up a crayon or a pencil in Art class filled me with dread matched only by the most primal childhood fear.

Except when it came to colors. Colors were not only something I associated automatically with names, places and words. They drew me to them, allowed me to stare at them, engage with them, follow where they ended and began and how they interacted with each other. I remember getting my first Art assignment in Steiner School of a little yellow dot wanting to escape into the blue space with the aim to explore it. And only a few years later when on vacation, my fascination knew no bounds when I was given r some sheets of paper on which I could create my own color patterns by coloring in different shapes that all formed another shape and then another in one (seemingly) endless exploration of colorful interaction. I was 7 or 8 and to this day I remember those sheets of paper and the fascination held by the ability to create different colors with shapes. 

Decades later this same fascination with colors was recreated when I tried to play around with some photo features on my iphone and posted the result on Facebook. Photography had always been near and dear to my heart but something always held me back from pursuing it further than a collection of images, now lost due to a bevy of the aforementioned self-declared (un)trustworthy people. A graphic design student commented how much she loved the colors. My question whether she meant it (or was just being nice) along with her reply spurned me on to explore further and further, trying out different patterns, overlays, effects and of course colors. 

That seagull claiming its spot on a lamp post of a pier in on one of my favorite walks close to my neighborhood in southern Helsinki led to my first exhibition in a small Budapest Ruin Bar (which also connected me to an old acquaintance when it turned out that the manager of that bar had been my English student some 16 years prior, a fact we sussed out as the curator and I were hanging my pictures), which led to another exhibition in Budapest, this one in a cultural center and then onwards to Helsinki for two group exhibitions. 

My Process

Snapping a picture on my iphone I then play around with different overlays, effects and of course colors in some of my favorite apps until I get that feeling somewhere in the pit of my stomach that lets me know this now feels right. Having moved so much as a child and with my cross-cultural background, my (feeling of) home was never tied to a specific address but rather became attached to people, emotions, places and also favorite pubs and coffee places. Music is a powerful agent in that process and frequently I will immerse myself in the music we listened to back where the picture originated, sometimes even by having the same song or handful of songs on loop. 

Which makes every picture an homage to them and what they mean in my heart. 

If people recognize (some of) this in themselves, we have found members of our own tribe. And if they see something else, the world is open to interpretation. 

Comments

Editor: Your pictures have an ethereal quality to them. I would call it lyrical photography. 

Mobster: “MFer . . . ” Cue three-minute rant ending in, “you made me cry.” (Find the picture this was about on these pages and win a cool prize).

Sister: Reading this reminded me of a saying, 

Every person in the world fears something, loves something and lost something. 

Your pictures always bring these “somethings” to the surface. Sometimes just one, sometimes two and sometimes all three. But they always hit at least one spot that’s usually hidden. 

Result of a conversation with the same sister: You make things go boom. 

If you are interested in a collaboration, want a keepsake or want to find out more / have a chat, please do not hesitate to reach out via this form and we can discuss in more detail.