1. Nature

Poland is largely landlocked but has converted its seaside resorts to happening places that involve great villas and hotels (largely owned by Germans via companies, ethnic heritage and some (often manipulated) family history) 

For the Average Joe there’s the mountains and the villages, where most Poles will still find one if not most of their relatives, making for easy access and cheap stays. 

2. Society

In keeping with the (perhaps unsubstantiated) theory that the more conservative the society the higher the consumerism, most supermarkets and malls (with a few exceptions) stay open until 10pm Monday-Saturday while restaurants and the convenience store chain Żabka will remain open on Sundays to fortify those going to and from church in the form of alcohol, hot dogs or something for the stronger liver – if you hit up a convenience store with the proper license. 

3. Architecture

Those interested in Catholic churches will have all their desires met, from the cathedral and the basilica to the chapel. Poland is fiercely and unapologetically proud of its nationalism and religiosity. But where Catholic churches in other countries give the impression of let’s build a palace for God, many Polish churches operate from a vantage point of, masz się modlić a nie mieć wygodnie, which pretty much translates to prayer over comfort. 

4. Music

Pop and light tunes seem to be the most popular, but if you want to make the average Pole happy (the one who will declare his love for his country with a bottle in his hand and tears streaming down his cheeks), play Disco Polo and watch him weep even more. The lyrics are coarse and speak of the one thing boys and men are expected to do with the girls and women who get victim shamed whether they agree to it or not.

For the more intellectually minded (in keeping with the Polish tradition of always bringing one’s knowledge to the forefront), testaments to Poland’s pride and joy – Fryderyk Chopin – abound in the form of the main airport, obligatory festivals and musical benches in the downtown area. 

5. Human Interaction

As everywhere else, an elevated position in society is everything. As humans in general we need our heroes, and people look up to those in power, if only for a guideline or two (or three or four). But where some societies are more flexible, in that they will take experience over a diploma in Poland your degree says everything about you. A PhD after your name will automatically elevate you above everyone else, regardless of your ability to actually transmit the knowledge you gained. 

Priests you are pretty much infallible, no matter how toxic the sermons and how abusive or toxic their actions. 

6. Attitudes Toward The Other

Unless you can profit from The Other he is automatically bad. As everywhere severely nationalist, populist and xenophobic the darker the skin tone and the farther away from the perceived norms you are, the lower the standing in society. Racial slurs are bandied about as though they were the sign of the cross you make with holy water upon entering a church without even taking on board that more inclusive words exist. But make one even slightly disparaging remark against the country and watch as the wrath of the righteous rains down on your poor innocent soul. 

7. Empathy

Ask anyone attending church and they will lay testimony to the fact that they have just done a good deed, as they always do. Usually the good deed in question (which also convinces them of their own goodness) is the mere fact they showed up to the Sunday service at all – and donated to the collection basket. Rescue animals are hugely popular (even including ads on public transportation), but that same energy that goes into saving an animal might not necessarily apply to a fellow human being. 

Victim shaming is rife with rape and harassment survivors being blamed for their own fate as “boys will be boys” and girls are responsible for the boys’ behavior on top of their own. 

Above all one must remember this, in all of human history, throughout the entire world, no one has suffered worse, and has undergone a more bitter fate than the Pole. 

8. Healthcare

A doctor is a doctor with the standing and adoration only matched by the adoration of a priest. He in turn prides himself on his knowledge and knowing everything better than, well, everyone else. A woman is expected to be sexually active but not too early, (or too late) and her private parts cease being private when the doctor weighs in, which can easily happen anytime during a visit. 

9. Education

A Pole must be educated and what this means is that you know all the facts, down to the most minute detail but not necessarily the implications. And chances are high you won’t even have your own opinion, mainly because this was never encouraged or taught. When meeting a person in a certain field, the idea is to outsmart them in their own territory. So that instead of asking them about certain facts, you have to show them what to know about their own field and instead of learning from them, you must show them that you are better than them. Most people who have benefited from this system of education see it as the only one valid and poo poo everything that is too liberal in that it encourages students to think. For most the truth still holds that if it isn’t in line with the church and conservative values, it’s not good education. Because young minds have to be reigned in instead of being developed. 

10. Food

Vodka and pork, with more vodka and pork and some pierogi in the mix. For illnesses and afflictions there’s always spiritus and well, vodka. And for dessert there is poppyseed cake with more poppyseed cake and of course the pinnacle of all Polish cakes – babka. 

Perhaps (un)related to the above is the fact that if inviting guests for your birthday it is your responsibility to cater the entire event i.e. the cooking and preparation to provide adequate alcohol and food, cleaning the entire premise to ensure it is spotless (the hostess will also be judged on